Drained

Dr. V has no explanation for the fluid return. He thinks it could be possible Dr. S perforated my bowel during surgery, and if that's the case I would need surgery to make repairs. Another surgery!? He orders a CT with barium to check for any "leaks" (his word). 

This is where I fall more deeply in love with Dr. H's office staff. When Dr. H orders a CT, it's scheduled at check out within minutes. When Dr. V orders a CT, I have to call and bark at his office staff to get it scheduled. After multiple calls, over several days, the CT with barium is scheduled for Friday. 

Later, as I'm drinking the blasted barium, I learned the scheduling delay was because the radiologist argued the procedure wouldn't show what Dr. V wanted so he changed it to a CT for better imagery. Yeah. You don't want to tell someone drinking barium the test may not work. Especially someone in my mental state...

Mindset:

What is a word for worse than miserable? My birthday is around the corner. I never make birthday plans, but this year I wanted to do something special. The last two months have been full of hospitals and doctors offices. I desperately needed time for myself. A moment to live. To forget C and celebrate another year lived. 

Now there is a possibility of an additional surgery, which would kill our vacation plans. A vacation that was planned a year ago, months before C re-entered our world. And who cares about me, Fred needs this vacation. He deserves a break from a being caregiver. Good grief. I know that stress. I know that heartbreak. And it kills me that I can't do anything make it better. He has given of himself so much, and I haven't been able to do anything in return. But I can make sure he has a fun & relaxing vacation. Please, sweet Jesus, let me give him this one thing!

The number of tears I have shed during this infection are innumerable. Its winning on so many levels and I hate it! I mean, loosing my hair and identity was a low point...but I still had a life. This is not a life. 

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The Monday following the CT. We arrive at Dr. V's office for the regularly schedule supply pick. And wait...

"Oh, can you guys come back later today? Dr. V wants to meet with you and go over the CT results."

Dude. I'm pretty sure it's a miracle Fred didn't jump the woman. Sure lady. We don't have jobs like you. He explains to the woman that he has taken off work in order to be there, and now she's asking him to take more time. She looked at him as though he was speaking Mandarin. Consideration of others time, what is that?! And now I officially HATE this office.

We return. And wait all over again. Finally some good news. (Good news usually gets an exclamation point, but I'm so drained at this point my cheer is broken.) The fluid is clearing three more weeks of antibiotic, and if the drain is clear it can be pulled this week. He orders a CT for the week of Thanksgiving to check progress. And it's that fast. From scaring me with surgery to all is well. The C roller coaster is super fun guys!