Cancer

A dear friend recommended a NetFlix special on Tig Notaro called "Tig". It felt like someone was telling pieces of my own story. And if she thought her story was funny, well, mine is down right hysterical! If you're filling in the blanks, you already know what's coming next.

I've got the cancer.

I was diagnosed at then end of February, and decided to fight silently. But for some reason, in the last few weeks, I've felt like it is time to share my story. I've been weak. Mentally. Physically. But as I started writing, I started feeling stronger. And that was one of my goals. So here we go...

Note:

•Most of this has been written at night while experiencing pain med induced insomnia and recovering from an intestinal virus. Don't judge too harshly. 

•Though this has all been written over the last month, I've post dated everything to correspond with the correct date. I've provided links to posts in chronological order below.

~~~

Everyone hears the word "cancer" and has the same reaction. I still remember when my dad's cousin, Barbara, told me he had cancer. The shock. The tears. The fear. But when I was given my own diagnosis, I felt peace. Cancer has worn out its shock value. The only thing going through my mind was "Okay Schiller, put your heels on, it's your turn to fight." [Cue 'Eye of the Tiger'] Yep, I could hear the 'Bam! Bam Bam BAMs!' in my head. 

And then came the hard part. Friends. When you were your dad's primary caregiver, and you find yourself walking in his shoes two years after he passed, the places your mind goes aren't so fun. But those thoughts will remain between me & God. Words have power, and I choose not to give them that power. At the same time, I want to acknowledge that I went "there". And occasionally, on the hard days, I find myself "there" again. 

My lowest point was when I started loosing hair. My chemo regiment (FOLFOXIRI) is aggressive, but hair loss isn't a side effect. I was told my hair would thin, and it would start midway through treatment. But by the second round, I was shedding hair. Shedding! I had held on to the idea of being sick but not "looking" sick. Lady with bald head screams "I HAVE CANCER!" 

Fred tried to make the shave fun, but I was miserable. I closed my eyes as the long hairs fell to the floor and felt my identity slip away. I look in the mirror at a body full of scars and face that I simply don't recognize. And that's on a good day. The bad days it's straight up Uncle Fester. (No, I haven't tried the light bulb trick...yet.) 

So I write. I write in hopes I'll find strength in giving this story a voice, and with that strength I'll find my reflection. I write because I want to recognize the lovely friends and family that encourage and lift me up when I am weak. I write because, once again, my husband finds himself being a caregiver to a cancer patient. I write because I want people to know cancer doesn't always come with a warning. I write because my treatment is so rare I haven't found much information, and hopefully others facing the same treatment will find this and go in little more prepared. 

Cancer type:  Colon...just like my dad. The kind that "older" people get. Typical reaction from anyone in the medical field is "oh, you're so young". Yep. Story of my life! 

Symptoms:  ZERO. I went to the ER because I was vomiting & dehydrated. I thought it was food poisoning. It was a bowel obstruction, and that's the only reason the cancer was found. I thank God every day for that bowel obstruction!

Family History:  It's recommend that with family history you get a colonoscopy 10 years prior to family member's diagnosis. That would have been 50 (52 to be exact), the typical age you start getting checked. I had planned on 40 to be extra precautions. Ha! If Fred & I are able to have children, their screenings would need to start at 24. 24?!!

Fun Fact:  I'm the second youngest patient my oncologist has treated for colon cancer. The other person was 18, and genetically predisposed. My genetic test came back negative. 

Warning:  Being colon cancer there may be things some find a bit TMI. I'll give a TMI warning!


Chronological Order:

1. Diagnosis*
2. Recovery
3. CT MRI Biopsy, Oh My!*
4. Treatment Plan & Chemo Round 1*
5. Chemo Round 2
6. Shots! Shots! Shots!
7. Chemo Rounds 3-5
8. MRI Check Up*
9. Chemo Round 6*
10. Digging Deep (pun intended)
11. Inspired

*Diagnosis & Treatment Updates